A 45-year-old wife writes to advice columnist R. Eric Thomas about her husband’s disrespectful behavior towards her mother. The husband, who has been married to the wife for eight years, refuses to interact with the wife’s mother, not even addressing her or cooking for her when they visit. The wife feels caught in the middle and has been making excuses for her husband’s behavior. Their seven-year-old daughter recently told the wife’s mother that her dad doesn’t like her.
Thomas advises the wife that her husband’s behavior goes beyond not liking her mother and suggests that he should stop visiting altogether. The wife needs to have a conversation with her husband to understand the root cause of his hostility towards her mother. She also needs to make it clear to him how much his behavior is affecting the entire family and that he needs to work on better conflict resolution skills.
The wife should not feel responsible for fixing the situation, but addressing the issue and making progress towards resolving the conflict will help keep the family dynamics healthy. Thomas emphasizes the importance of communication and seeking amends to prevent the poison of hostility from affecting the family. Readers are encouraged to send questions to Thomas for advice on relationships and conflicts.
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